Essential Executive Function Lessons For Every Age and Stage

Executive function skills are the mental tools that help our children plan, focus, follow through with instructions, and manage their tasks successfully. These skills develop gradually from early childhood through the teen years—and parents can play a powerful role in nurturing them.

Here’s how you can support your child's executive function growth at every stage, with simple, age-appropriate lessons you can try at home.

Ages 3–6: Learning to Pause and Take Part

Young children are just beginning to develop their sense of self-control and working memory. At this stage, the goal is to build consistent routines that they can take part in and encourage small moments of reflection before they take action.

“Stop and Think” Games

Play games like Simon Says or Red Light, Green Light that require stopping, waiting, and listening for directions. These playful pauses strengthen impulse control and attention.

Daily Routine Helpers

Let your child take part in setting up daily routines—laying out their clothes, putting away toys, or setting the table. Predictable steps help them internalize planning and sequencing.

Give Things a Home

Help your child develop organizational skills and learn to tidy up by teaching them that "everything has a home." Assign everything in your home a dedicated space so when your child uses something, they know exactly where to put it back and can return it once they're done. You can start this in a small area like a bedroom closet or shelf, and then work up to larger spaces like the living room.

When modeling and teaching your children to put things away, it's helpful if the whole family follows the same routines and you attach the space to an action your little one can understand and follow through with. You can say things like: "When we get home from co-op, our shoes go on the shoe rack." "When we are done reading, our books go on the bookcase." "When we change into our pjs, we put our dirty clothes inside the hamper."

Ages 7–10: Strengthening Time Sense and Follow Through

Elementary-aged children can handle more responsibility but still benefit from visual cues to remind them about structure and processes.

Visual Checklists

Create picture-based or written checklists for daily routines, chores, or homeschool tasks. Checking off each item builds confidence and reinforces self-monitoring. This doesn't have to look like a timed schedule either. Family routines don't always have to revolve around the clock, but can can revolve around daily activities, like salah, meal times, or family commitments, instead.

The “Estimate Game”

Ask your child to estimate how long simple tasks (like brushing their teeth or completing math problems) will take, then time it together. This fun exercise builds time awareness and planning skills. When they get good at estimating the small stuff, you can ask them to estimate larger tasks like making dinner, building with lego, or washing the laundry.

Pomodoros for Focus Help

If your child struggles to stay focused on their tasks, or if they lose track of time easily, try setting up a Pomodoro. This is a simple time-management hack where you set a physical timer or clock to a specific time for work on a single task. When the clock begins, the child will work only on the task at hand until the timer is done. Then they can take a break from that task for a specific amount of time before coming back to work on the task again.

Pomodoros can help build a child's focus and emotional regulation because the physical timer acts like an accountability buddy that trains the brain to work in manageable chunks. The dedicated short time commitment helps the child clearly see they are only working for a set amount of time (as opposed to feeling like time is dragging on forever).

You can start your pomodoros with a 15 minute working period and 10 minute break and slowly increase the working period as your child's age and focus grows. Once your child has done a few pomodoros back-to-back and/or completed the task, they can have a longer break before moving onto the next thing.

Ages 10–13: Practicing Planning and Flexibility

Tweens begin juggling more complex assignments, social commitments, and emotions. They need practice breaking larger goals into steps and adapting when life don’t go as planned.

Personal Project Planning

Have your child plan a small project—like cooking dinner for the week, creating a presentation, or a passion project. Help them set a clear goal, outline their steps, gather materials, and get to work. Afterwards, they can reflect on what worked, what didn't, and what they learned along the way.

Pondering Potential Mishaps

When plans are made, it's also good to discuss how they might shift (like a canceled outing, or a project delay). Ask your child, “What’s our backup plan?” and challenge them to think of ways they can make adjustments to help keep themselves moving forward. This builds flexible thinking and emotional regulation as your child learns to develop a solutions-mindset instead of shutting down when unexpected changes bring big emotions.

Ages 13–17: Building Independence and Self-Management

Teens are ready (and wanting!) to take the lead—but they still need support in prioritizing, balancing responsibilities, and self-reflection.

Weekly Planning Sessions

Sit down once a week to review upcoming tasks, deadlines, and goals. Encourage your teen to set their own priorities, keep track of thier tasks, and assess how their progress is going. Support them in experimenting with different organizational tools and systems (physical and digital) and then choosing the ones that work best for them.

Emotional Regulation and Stress Management

Teens often carry a heavier load, especially as they get closer to graduation and have to make more decisions about their future. Discuss stress management strategies that can help them to calm feelings of overwhelm and get curious about their emotions: breathing exercises, journaling, physical activity, and talking through how they're feeling and why can all help.

You can deepen emotional self-awareness by teaching your children to pause when they're having a big feeling and question it. Instead of auto absoring the feeling and identifying themselves by it ("Ugh, I'm stressed!"), they can try to pause and create a little bit of distance to process the feeling by instead saying: "I'm feeling stressed," or "I notice that I'm feeling stressed" and then try to investigate where the feeling is coming from and how they can address it.

Remember, executive function skills don’t develop overnight—they grow through modeling, gentle guidance, and consistent practice. By weaving these small lessons into daily life, you can help your children gain the tools they need to thrive at every stage.